Beautiful Struggle

This pain somewhat like
Bubbles in the water,they form they dissolve,
trapped in a bottle,they storm my resolve,
how soon they lost their form,
a few seconds since they were born,
their short life and i stand tall,
its the hard times,
not the happy that make us,
but me nobody gave me no favors,
I thank Lord for the good and the bad,
when i struggle to control my laughter,
and times when i wished i was dead,
Life is a leveler,
hellcruiser and heaven dweller,
if it wasnt for pain,
I wouldnt know what joy is,
If it wasnt for silence
i wouldnt know what noise is,
so i calm myself with music,
When i hear voices,
I tear through struggle
Like i prepare for trouble
I hope for the best
prepare for the worst,
And nothing could satisfy,
my thirstto achieve what i want,
nothing can deter me
i have been knee deep in dirt,
i know i deserve it.....

black

make me smile in a hurry
my vision is blurry
i came from the dark
let me go but first whats my part
we lived years apart
tear up my chest u will still find ur name on my heart*

rising tied

rising tide
finds wings to ride
little children run at ease
all reckless told to say cheese,
i die with a moan
my breath finds itself grown
my name is desire
my religion to aspire *

Time to die (Fade to black)

There's nothing left to live for,
There's nothing left to be done,
Nothing left to become
Only wait till I return,
Just me and this gun,
All the promises fulfilled,
All my peers killed,
None of my feelings concealed,
I outlasted all of them,
I blasted all of them,
I fought all my fears,
All my friends, none of them in tears,
I stood tall through all the struggle
I m good but all u saw was the trouble,
I made my parents proud,
Devils inside, So all my tenants loud,
I have shovel in my hand,
Its about time but I shall be done by then,
I m digging my own grave,
Yes I m goin, aint nobody gonna save,
Time to die,
I feel like Jesus Christ planning my own death,
Few breaths to go Infact only one left,
My tombstone shall read Born to prove everybody wrong,
But I shall love all those who stay strong,
In the event of my demise,
When light shall no longer penetrate these eyes,
Time to die
Mine's to-night
Fade to Black
till I come back*

Outcast

They say you are in impression,
of your parents,
if not them,
then your brother and sister,
they say you are influenced,
most by your mentor,
But I don't have none,
They say you do what your friends do,
I have many but almost all of them so called,
They say you want to be like your peers,
consiously or subconsiously,
Well, I m nothing like them,
me and my brother,
don't get along at all,
I m not like my friends,
always trying to fit in,
me and my friends
always compromising,
I hate my peers,
I suffer from no peer pressure,
theres almost a generation gap,
Its like i m not from the same era,
In school my teachers were pushing me,
making me learn what comes natural to me,
When I read the Bible few questions arise,
Do I have to go to church to find God,
And a few more I can't disclose
they say an artist has different views on the world
so is it so that i think different just bcoz i m an artist
i dont think so
so what do u label a person
who does not fit in the normal mould?
not llike everybody around him
you label him you call him
An outcast

Can You hear me?

Can You hear me?
Before I wasn’t but now I speak so clearly,
Everybody’s trying to push me now,
What should I do for You to be around,
But if You could only,
I m like the wind nothing can hold me,
My father told me,
God’s favorites have a hard time,
After all I have been through I can’t say I m all fine,
You said God “ I shall never forsake thee
I have engraved thee on the palms of my hand”
So where are You God coz alone I stand,
Why have You forsaken me? Coz I ran
Through hell without a friend,
I m going crazy in my mind,
Tell me I demand when will it be my time,
A true heart, shouldn’t that account for something,
My life has been like now or nothing,
I control myself but so much pain,
I feel like me against everybody once again,
I just wanna keep my sanity,
Everybody’s tryin to get at me,
Or is it so that You are mad at me,
If that’s the case give me that moment of clarity,
Do I have to go against everybody to be free,
Or is it me just trying to be me,
Even Moses had to go against his own kind,
Do I have to go through this only to know what I find,
The other side will be much better,
This aint blasphemy, This is a letter,
Just a few questions I had to ask You , God,
You already know where this is coming from*

dont judge me

dont judge the blog on my last post
like you dont judge a book by the cover

So near yet so far

So near yet so far,
So close to my heart,
Yet we shall be apart,
So much love but so much hate,
So unlike yet we relate,
So clear yet so blurry,
Only someone so close can hurt me!
Talk too much but not enough,
Everything I do is not enough,
You can touch me but can't feel me,
I lost you so nearly,
I thought you would know me but if only,
So together yet so lonely,
Miss those things so much what we own,
But only when they are gone,
So near yet so far,
Your name etched on my heart,
But on the broken part,
I know life is hard,
But with you it will be easy,
All you can do is wish me,
You are next to me but not with me,
So did you miss me?
Never thought you would leave so easily,
I know you are gone but in someway you always with me,
The same way as I m with you,
What else can I give you?
Miss you are the words I won't try to misuse,
It was always clear from the start,
So near yet so far*

Personal Jesus

Yes I wake up
stare at the ceiling
I m proud at hell,
I love that feeling,
Everybody around is plotting,
But I m guilty of sinning,
I m ready to testify,
Able and willing,
Dear Lord guide me,
So that I may know against whom I m leaning,
Tell me so that I may know,
When I m really losing myself when I m winning,
This world made me what I m,
My thoughts need a cleaning,
Forgive me for all the times,
I forgot to pray just after evening,
Sorry Lord If I lost my path,
I know better ways I should be leading,
But all this time when I was away,
Devil was the one I was greeting,
I have changed for better,
Help me give this life a meaning,
I have had my share of the tears,
for the times I was grinning,
I guess you only get what you give,
Yes I m not that unseeing,
What I always wanted is
You to be my personal Jesus*

Str8 Jacket

Let me free,
Let me go,
Everybody's pushing,
Y'all forgot what I could have been,
You made my strong will power weak,
You made my brain sick,
I m choking give me some air,
So that I can breathe, Can I have my share?
I know life's unfair,
I feel like running away, But I will run where,
What I feel is what only some share
Where I m from freedom is privilege,
Don't push me I m already at the edge,
You can have me just loosen these straps,
I m ok with the jacket just the way this belt wraps,
You messed up your life now you are out for mine,
What have you achieved? Let me rewind,
No time for ifs and buts,
Simple and plain you hate my guts,
Let me do what I want to
Bcoz eventually when I snap don't tell me I didn't warn you,
My life is like I m trapped in a str8 jacket,
You can have it,
Since my birth odds were against me,
If you had my life, You would be just as crazy,
Everybody wants to fight me,
It shall be a triple threat more than likely,
Its me against myself, against the world,
And someone within the herd,
I warned you not to start this,
Yeah I m in a str8 jacket,
But what you don't know is I m also an escape artist*

Enemy Within

No, Its not
My parents pushing me, in my teens,
No, not my sibling I need to outshine,
Not my cousins, forgetting what I taught,
Not my peers, whom I need to outrhyme,
No, Not my friends backstabbing at will,
No, Not my teachers in the school,
Making me learn what I barely understand,
No, not the priest
trying to mould me,
No, not the deafening wind,
when I m lonely,
No, not the devil,
Always tempting me,
Not the thunder,
when I sleep shivering,
No, not the empty glasses,
making my liver sick,
No, not when I m gasping for air,
not knowing the river's deep,
So the question is who then?
is my nemesis,
I say, Me and this mirror,
The shattered glass and my soft flesh,
I, myself, my own worst enemy,
I can fight the world,
But how can I defeat myself,
I m losing either way
Its the enemy within*

Sometime Part II

Spend some time with you,
Get to know you better,
So when I m gone say that I missed you,
No, but not forever,
We will meet again, I m sure,
The reason, all the things we've been together,
Only to know feelings were pure,
And all the disagreements didn't really matter,
Where will we stand when the years passed by,
Say we've remained friends and improved,
So do you remember when did I speak my last lie,
Now I spit out all the feelings I chewed,
You stayed quiet, never displayed any signs and I asked why?
You told me not to talk like this and say that I was rude,
Exact same words I heard last night,
I shouldered your pain, You shouldered mine,
Gave me courage to carry on,
Read your voice and knew then and then something wasn't right,
Made me understand what went wrong,
So who wasted time time when we talked all night,
Same place we stand when everything is said and done,
Will we talk so often?
We will reminise on all the fun,
Words won't be enough to say what you mean to me,
There's mayhem in my mind,
But there's a calmness you bring to me,
You are busy in your life,
I m busy in mine,
I Guess we will value each other when we are gone,
Coz this friendship we redefine,
You can find me you know where I m from,
May be then we will spend some time.

One

All I need,
is one pen,
One pad, to write,
One friend, I can trust,
One God,
One Prayer,
That is answered,
One tear,
Someone can wipe,
One smile,
I could give this life for,
One sun,
To shine my way,
One lie,
I can take it as truth,
One house,
Better yet,
One room,
But four walls,
All I need is
Someone,
I can call my own,
One eye,
To see the truth,
One hope,
I will make it to heaven,
One son,
To make me proud,
One dollar,
So that I ain't broke,
One year,
To get my life together,
One wish,
That is granted,
One God Bless,
Before I m dead,
One chance,
If I can make this worth it,
One more chance,
To do it again*

What 2 say!

What 2 say!
What to write
Words are so useless,
No help even from a newsflash,
I just keep everything inside,
All you need is insight,
to know a person,
Life is like I m moving the mouseBut not the cursor,
Its a system failure, may be,
So all this coz I m crazy,
Eyes never lie,
And ontop of that they never try,
Can't you read my eyes,
Sun is blocked by the high rise,
You can see only if you want to,
But heart break is something
I have been prone to,
Incognito and unknown too,
Looking back now look what we have grown to,
Do I need to say,
Anything today,
Actions speak louder than words,
No matter how do they come,
Some people are prouder than some,
No I don't believe everything you told me,
I m the wind nothing can hold me,
Till 6 feets fold me,
Calenders change so will we,
May be then I wouldn't speak so freely,
Love is not verbal,
Use of figures of speech is not a hurdle,
But then we will come full circle
Its back to
What to say*

Is gone

when all your love is gone,
what will I do with this life all alone,
Waiting, Hoping that you would come,
So if the ego ever lands make a U-turn,
Nobody knows which way you are bound,
You never told always so proud,
May be you will find a place to stop,
Go away now don't stop,
Don't turn back you are making it hard,
Go now I will be ok with a broken heart,
You never even tried to know me,
Acting like you are the only one lonely,
When all your love is gone,
The emptiness will be filled with pain,
For once this heart will be chained,
No longer will be torn,
When everything will be said n done,
You wouldn't be there its hard enough knowing,
I have tried everything to keep you from going,
Nothing seems to work,
But now the more I try the more it hurts,
I guess You have to leave to truly understand me,
What we shared was special and what it could have been,
I guess regrets will bring you down,
And I can't sleep over these feelings I own,
I hope you know the saying,
You don't know what you have till its gone,
And all this,
When your love is gone*

My side of the story

this is the story of my life,
it starts with
u will know me when I die,
this is what i felt inside,
you dont really know me,
but this is my side of the story,
nobody knows this is untold,
so much pain and I swallow it all,
waited so long but you never called,
I was mistaken you are not what I thought,
You never cared or so i thought,
You saw me crying but never the tears,
But I wiped them, now the vision is clear,
All you ever cared about was yourself,
Called but only when you want help,
Lets not get into all that,
You hurt my feelings you know what you did,
Even writing about this feels so stupid,
In this rollercoaster life I thought I would hold on to you,
I was there but you just did what you had to do,
You are no different from all my so called friends,
I judged you wrong so what next,
My life is a story half untold,
Half misconstrued,
Only ugly duckling in the brood,
Always misunderstood,
Bring the pain I m ready for more,
I want some more,
The broken heart I carry, You just broke a lil more,
But this is not something you should know,
I will keep giving no matter what you do,
Friendship was one sided something I dont have to prove,
You are smart enough to know better,
There have been many like you that I have weathered,
Someday you will understand
Where I stand, What I m
But till then
Let it be*

still writing

i dont post but it doesnt mean i aint writing nothing
i m just waiting for the right time to post

Cherish the pain

This is world is like a prison
I was dead, now I have risen,
What I want to do is just the opposite to
What they want me to do, I wanna break free,
Only if I could count more than three,
The chains of compulsion are holding me,
They try and can’t stop molding me,
I want to be myself, only if this anger could help,
My fist turns red, the wall is still left to,
Pain is mandatory, anger is what helps,
Staring down the sun, it feels the scorching heat,
While I let off a little steam,
This is like a bad dream, that I see everyday,
May be someday I shall run away,
Morning is dark like the night passed by,
May be someday I will get the answers to questions why,
Rage is nirvana for the youth,
Swallow the false, spit the truth,
Coz nothing is what it seems,
In the laughter the conscience screams,
Crying out loud when they told you to maintain silence,
In your every smile there is a little violence,
Swallow the fear, fight till the end,
End is near so better learn to defend

The city is mine Pt 1

This is about the place I was born,
This is about the place I was raised,
This is what I represent what I own,
Better yet the city is mine,
Yes I hate the heat and the pollution,
But its all fine,
Coz after all, the city is mine,
Like I said,
Where all my memories are laid,
Every street knows me, I know,
Where I ain’t afraid to go,
I hope to see the city in time,
Yes that city is mine,
The place where myself I find,
That city is mine,
Laid back attitude but gotta make my city proud,
I would never let my city down,
Coz the city is mine,
I belong to the city,
The city belongs to me,
City is the place where my roots are,
But I left too far, coz I find the fruits sour,
That’s where my heart is, now read between the line,
And the line goes, the city is mine,
From A.C to T.O journey wasn’t easy,
But I realize quickly, there ain’t another city like mine
And yes again, the city is mine

Me & I

This is for you, I
When I speak to you,
You make me forget my pain,
Makes me believe I should stay the same,
Makes me wanna forgive all the backstabbing friends I had,
You are unlike all the friends I had,
There’s something about you,
That makes me wanna hate you,
The very next second love you,
I wished I had found you earlier,
To be my friend you are worthy of,
I have just met you
But I feel like I have known you since years,
And I m prone to fears,
Therefore I m scared to lose you,
But I have also told you,
That I have been to hell and I have cruised through,
Its not that I don’t have friends
Its just that I don’t have friends like you,
I just want you to know we are forever friends,
But If this ever ends it will be heaven sent,
No matter what may come,
I will always be there for you,
Through your ups and downs support you,
When you are feeling down you know whom to call to,
I just hope you feel the same way,
And our friendship ain’t name sake,
I can tell you anything pour my heart out,
I can make through the struggle it ain’t hard now,
Apparently,
Talking to you is like therapy,
To get things off my chest,
I know time will try n test,
Our friendship but I will be ready for whatever,
With time we got better,
So except you who can I trust?
In this cold world,
That’s the reason; to me you are more than a girl,
More than a friend,
And just so that you know I won’t try to pretend,
Its not that I didn’t have topic to write
I just wanted to show you what you mean to me*