School of the hardknocks

i graduated from the school of teh hardknocks

KillPride(Mind State)

I believe in Bible not the Reverend,
Coz I don’t know what’s about to happen,
So don’t push me when I hold this weapon,
There’s a fine line between respect and disregard,
Let me perfect my part,
Dear Lord, I’ve been walking since so long,
All this time I ve been alone,
Can’t figure out was I living or existing,
I feel indebted every time I m breathing,
I m tryin 2 find myself,
I open my eyes and few years passed,
Unanswered questions left,
Hoping now Lord answers fast,
But I doubt coz we ain’t talked since long,
And now I m sorry,
I m selfish like every mirror I watch,
Slow at heart, quicker at thought,
All the pain I stuffed inside,
Is bursting out the words are weapons I recite,
Passion I ignite,
But so often in my mind,
I m tired of struggling I hate it,
But I know I will wake up one day and realize I made it,
Why is love a word overrated?
Why is one other four lettered word so overstated?
What does it take us to rise above it,
Why did it take me to leave my country
To realize how much I love it,
I know what you gonna stay
If I love my country why did I leave it
When I say my heart is still there believe it
If my life I chose rather than life that chose me
I m schizophrenic you can’t know me
I rose from the ashes of the dreams u ruined
But theres no feud,
This is not it mind state continued…..

Blood Brotherz

You had the same kind of childhood I did,
Spent most of the time playing cricket on the street,
Shared days and our ways,
Labeled good for nothing but sometimes found praise,
I spent more time with you than my brother,
Yes, we are friends but you know what I take it further,
So its only fair to say you are my blood brother

We shared the same thought,
We have been feuding but our friendship is strong as a rock,
We shared differences coz we all are a lil different,
Few lost way coz we all love our freedom,
Achieved nothing but we are proud as hell,
Many haters came and you can touch and tell,
Yes I am first to leave
But you know I will be the first to give,
We’ll do anything for each other
Coz after all you are my blood brother,

I promise you all I will return for sure,
You know me I keep my word
I want you all to be well settled,
I m cruising hell, still unrattled,
I know real men don’t cry but I m missin you
I know you will die for my name,
Any disrespect to me and you will drive em insane,
And you know I would do the samething too
So there’s none other
But you are my blood brother

Reminisce on the time spent so sweet,
Watched each other grow, Summer and December,
I know you remember
I taught you many things, And vice versa,
I call you once a week say “ nice to hear ya”
I hope to bring back those days n chill again,
Its like we share the same blood line,
I know u feel the pain I m under,
Me and my blood brother

Happy Now II

I have forgiven you but thers nothing you have done,
Time is a teacher, is what they say,
I have turned away but I don’t know what it takes
To let something go away,
I hope you are happy now,
That I don’t follow you around,
That I don’t do those crazy things anymore,
But I m looking back while I m leaving,
Wishing you best but this feeling is unforgiving
Hope you find one you need,
A confidant, a friend indeed,
Life is small I hope you measure it well,
Many other things I did wanna tell,
But not now I hope you know why,
One thing I wanna tell you is be happy always,
Happy with whoever u choose,
Don’t wanna warn you against the evils of the day,
You know the truth what can I say,
With your so called friends I hope u r happy now,
Guilty not for what I have done,
I hope you are happy now,
Wanna say these words but can’t be now,
I m leaving but I will not forget you somehow,
After all this feeding your pride
Are you happy now?

So many...

Never ever had a best friend, Never stayed with anyone to call one so,
Always had friends who left me before I told em to go
Always were around when they needed me,
I was always there but they decided instead,
I know I wasn’t always true,
But I guess I did what I had to do,
Always counted on myself when the time wasn’t right,
They had my back but always alone I fight,
I keep my trust on the one looking from the top,
Obstacles stop me but I will not stop,
Walking alone I do my thing,
I m always open with two arms like swing,
Though I was in love pure,
Only to find out I wasn’t so sure,
Felt like I would get lost in those eyes,
I know I feared God but I always was devil in disguise,
Never won a gold but never settled for a silver either,
I m running a marathon but I can’t take a breather,
Just when you thought I wouldn’t do something like this,
I just throw away my reputation and do something crazy insane,
Always gave y best but I feel like losing without even tryin,
I know that’s what cowards do but I can’t stop cryin,
I know I’ll find my way destiny is in my hands
And there’s not denying

The City is mine

i m a concrete eagle,
flying thru smoke tryin to see things equal,
I tell u what i see thru eyez of mine,
often overlooked the cries of the child,
I tell u the truth, eyez of the wild,
So much diversity tries to divide,
rich and poor, caste and the creed,
i see the house and the hate it breeds,
minds are crazed and sick,
i m often amazed at this,
Just then God raised the heat,
Sweatin, I m tryin to increase my liquid intake,
I ve loved the city since i was in 6th grade,
I love the city still no mistake,
The city lights shinning on my face,
Ahmedabad City is the place,
So hypocritical, Got me irrate,
I got links so I m just throwing my weight,
I m just tryin to know my hate,
I m riding too fast I need to slow my pace,
I need to floss, I need to show my best,
City's moving on, following path of the west,
Few figures coming up, Start the unrest,
As a citizen, my part is put to test,
I feel the city choking every evening,
You can't use dictionary to match every meaning,
The smoke makes hard to even see 6 feet and,
I m just tryin to come to terms with joy of defeating,
Every few months a new kind of greeting,
Broken dreams found wings I m leaving,
But still far away i can feel the city breathing,
Even when its asleep,
Got the youth caught up in the grip,
the vices, keep the city in one piece,
Not asking for more but more than one wish,
City gifted me a style to run with,
And an attitude u wud like too,
There's more to the city than a business and a design school,
I didn't use a ruler for a line I drew,
Parents pushin refusin teens,
lil past notoriety,
Middle class authority,
Money with cooperative tellers,
End up makin 'em high city dwellers,
The City state dry,
Some of the high grade lies,
End of October and something illuminates the sky,
Come January and again its colorful and bright,
city doesn't sleep 9 days a year,
I m talkin aloud there are 9 ways to hear,
trouble fiends suicide,
Get double wings n fly,
to the promised land, Was this planned,
No notice sent,
The retail boom,
My homies send the details soon,
6 weakened teens spend time at 6 silver screens,
And 6 years later 6 livers weak,
Expanding like exponential,
Still below full potential,
Supplying every essential,
Progressing in sections, Demandin attention,
Migrants attraction, Never liked fractions,
Never visited the ashram,
But i got more than art lovers in my arsenal,
I 've got business people and even fanatics,
City is known for more than aesthetics,
From hustle bustle of the old city, where peoples bargaining,
To far west where new youth is waiting,
Many winds have carved the stone,
Charity of many things starts at home,
Same place where hearts have grown,
Same face that the skies have known,
Vacant is where lies the throne,
I've waited for this b4 i was 9,
I claim the city, The City is mine

Youth of my nation

Youth of my nation

I m talking to you

I can fill ur shoes

Any given day I can walk in 2 u,

I know u don’t disgrace ur country

But unknowingly what if u do,

I just wanted to do

All the things I wanted to do,

There are a few things I pointed 2 u,

I m the son of the same soil that anointed u,

I wanted to make it big I was disappointed too,

But I dug deep inside 2 find a way,

To fight the pain,

Like I said,

This is addressed to the youth of the nation,

Let’s identify the truth we are facing,

To and fro, the mood keeps changing,

The best of the talent is lost to an alien,

The rest of the talent blamed for the failing,

Then people like you and me do the detailing,

Before u start a storm look where you sailing,

Think a lil, Youth of my nation

I m just tryin to start a conversation,

We curse and hate the country we are born,

The country we are from,

We move far away and realize where we went wrong,

Gather our regrets and put em in a song,

But don’t worry we are strong,

I just hurried into a thought,

Truth is something we have sought,

Always so let’s just stop,

So can we have a lil moment of clarity?

Can we have a lil parity,

Work towards prosperity,

But its so sad that the,

Youth of my nation

Don’t have any patience

Youth of my nation

continued........

Never Friends

we were never friends,
We are just somebody who went college together,
we just spend 3 best years together,
we shared many a laughs,
some cherished, some left unnoticed,
I have nothing on you,
I learnt a lot from you,
You were a lot smarter,
I called you on your b'day every year after,
I waited for the call that never came,
What if I miss you and the times we spent together,
But we were never friends and whatever,
You felt like I had crush on you or something,
I was just tryin to be a good friend and nothing,
I thought you knew me better,
Considering how many times I called you after class,
No questions asked,
I have had many a back stabbing friends
So these words are the aftermath,
I thought you were different, somebody who understands me,
But u didnt nor my friends did,
I used to bunk college and I made u bunk too,
I watched your back and see that you come through
I was always there you left with ends open,
somethings are better left unspoken,
I don't know why am I feeling so bad still?
About somebody I was never friends with*

What 2 write!

I don't know what 2 write,
About the flow I recite,
Or what I decide,
About the struggle I've been through,
Or the troubles I sent you,
Honestly, I don't know what to write,
I am emotionally exhausted,
What more I wanted,
Next verse I write when the feelings comeback,
You know how the line goes, Been there done that,

I don't know what 2 write,
All the friends I miss,
Or should it be about the girl I kissed,
Regrets I have, Or the battles I have braved,
Roads are grave, but more I have paved,
Comebacks I have staged,
Or the rapids I have raged,
The demons I have caged,
Or the hate inside me,
I wasn't born with a pen but I m sure to die with,
But guess what? I don't know what 2 write,
Next verse when I decide,
Killpride or 4186 I ride,
The country I represent,
Or the worries I have 2 end,
No words for those who question me,
Coz I have learnt what patience is,
I m writing my life away,
Its gonna be my time oneday,
My words will live on even if I die,
Now that I know what 2 write*

What to write

What 2 write!
thinking................

Talk to me

Sit beside, And talk to me.
I know we are strangers now,
But time will pass and we'll be friends,
Speak your mind, But also speak from your heart,
Talk to me,
Tell me your miseries,
Tell me about your regrets,
I promise I will tell nobody,
You can trust me, I will keep the secret,
I know life is hard But I also know we can start,
I have got my own battles to fight,
But over time I will make your battles mine,
Talk to me.
Talk to me so that I can share your pain,
Who broke your heart, I know how it feels
Coz I ve got a broken one too,
Open up to me, And I will open up to you,
Don't sit alone,
coz I havent found someone I can talk to either,
And I will watch you back When you are asleep,
And I will keep all the promises I give,
Sit beside me,
Talk to me*

Trouble is...

Gratitude is burden,
Revenge is pleasure,
Mayhem is music,
Chaos a delight,
So I hold the gun next to me when i write,
Death is incarnation,
You realise this,
And it was only lie you were making,
When more time you start wasting,
Your heart keeps pacing,
but it was really time you were wasting,
thats was the trouble is.

Never did drugs Never will do,
Rest assured coz I will never leave you,
Rest assured coz you will never be who?
somebody else, whenevery thing seems well,
And everysecond seems hell,
In our mind, the satan he dwells,

Fear the beholder,
Coz you just don't know him,
Mirror in front of you,
isn't as clear as you wish 2,
But again meanings are relative,
What I meant was not what I meant,
So see you when I reach the pinnacle,
Cherish the pain, I say it again,

Like many else I will be nobody
till somebody kills me,
so let me do it my self,
No, Not kill myself
Make my self somebody
But the trouble is...

2 Hell n Back(Hellcruiser for Life Part II)

Momma's boy, Younger but stronger,
You wonder, You ponder,
I came up, You wander,
Seen summers, thru saunas,
Won thunders, Been under,
Not a drummer but on the vocals,
Lost way not focus,
I m a Sagi, been friends with Taurus,
Did what you never thought I would, And repeat,
Tasted success and defeat,
Been through the battles, Many stars learned,
I ride till the wheels fell off,
Hellcruiser, Answered the hell's call,
Had the devil biting dust,
I rose but I was dying first,
I ain't lying much, but I m eying some,
Never afraid to try it, once,
Some still question my ways,
Its like been questioned by the nation I saved,
Far away I went from the place I was raised,
Never in my life that place I disgrace,
Me chillin', reminise on the days,
Never change my mind, guarantee I say,
Calm waters run deep I say,
Call my friends Once a week I may,
Breathe like plants, yes I did my thing,
Leaves yellow in fall, Green in spring,
Black Sheep, Yes, I did my bid,
I went the other side, Grass be green I wished,
But no matter what, its mind over matter,
And those who matter, won't mind,
She loves me, Shes love me lot,
But may be worst she's got,
So alone but I watch these people come,
And I watched these people go,
Am I the culprit or am I the victim,
Forget my pain and the joy that I did bring,
Life often is the same,
Now I ask can you relate?
Its hell before heaven,
Ten before Eleven,
So you gotta cruise hell before you get a piece of the sky,
And this you can't defy,
But for me its hellcruiser for life!!*

What up Ni!

What up Ni How are you?
11 months later Yes I m still thinking of you
I wished I would have been able to meet you before I left,
And you know my friends they are of little but no help,
So howz life goin', How are your so called friends doin',
I m here alone, But you know that I m improvin',
I bet you have made new friends,
Are you arrogant as usual, And you know what then,
Yes, I m missin you,
I wished I would have left you some songs to listen to,
I hope I can call you sometime,
But to be honest, I did try one time,
Can't forget your smiling face,
But I regret all the time I waste,
Can't forget all the time we spent,
I m writing my life away, I hope now you understand,
Me and what my love really meant,
Now its too late I can't come back anyways,
This is my promise that I will return,
To see you and see what you have become,
To see whether you are beautiful than ever,
Which sure You will be, but have you become that for better?
And see if you remember the face?
The face that you drove crazy,
And if you still remember killpride and 4186,
It is difficult for me yes I hate this,
I bet I would have changed then,
I guess I shouldn't say that,
I 've got lot to say may be later now,
Thats it for now, I will go, time is major now,
What up Ni!

Born and raised in...

Born and raised where the dogs chase, Full of respect and all praise,
My heart is where my home is now and for always, I remember all days fine,
I m in pain but I carry a colgate smile,
Wanna change my life, Won't change mine, Those days fine, Ghost days like,
Sun rises in the east but ways i shine, Another day later, postage arrives,
Can't sayI have no regrets, It was a dream and i woke up in cold sweat,
Can't give up my mother told that, I would have shunned but i learnt to tolerate,
wasn't born with a silver spoon but i ate off gold plate,
I learnt to iron the wrinkles coz i didn't get clothes folded,
Lot of souls lost where the crossroads end,
But crossroads the place where lost souls end,
Lot of friends with empty bottles and ashtrays filled, Wasting time, many a beautiful faces killed, Youth of my nation are in a state of mind that can't be explained,
We prayed everytime it rained and everytime it didn't rain,
But future is better for the children, Coz many went 2 be adored by the millions,
And this is the path we sought so dearly, And many made a path to follow, so clearly,
Far away from the milky way the word spread, You couldn't be from the third they said,
World takes notice, Now everybody loves the underdog,
And under what circumstances we came up only we know,
Neighbours Envy, Even owners envy, Got talents plenty but the errands ran this,
West, that where my parents sent me, I do this for my culture, if u know what i mean,
I do this for Saffron White and Green
It is more than a song, the song that we sing two times a year,
But does this mean we are concerned about our country just two times a year,
So does this mean two times the love, What do they call it, You find the word,
So every morning in schools across the nation the song is heard,
But its due time we learn, I want to say a lot , but i end up saying something,
Go ahead write us off, Don't say nothing,
And don't judge me coz u don't know what it is to be,
Born and raised in India.

Another Battle

a day comes and a day goes
and i now that God knows
days r long but i don't get rattled
so i live to fight another battle
mom misses me and so
i will write a poem for sure
i got more than a few things on my mind
i m all alone no friends bymy side
i hold on to them even if dreams get shattered
see another day for another battle
skies are gloomy
but u wudnt say that if u knew me
mom's thinking of me coz i aint there
Tell her i fear God but i aint scared
this struggle only made me better
so i can fight and live to fight another battle*

i miss y'all

i miss the country i grewup in
i miss my neighbour hood
i miss my land
i miss my friends
i miss my parents
i miss the sky
i miss the sun
i miss my cousins
i miss my blood brothers
i miss the heat
i miss the simple joys
i miss my home
i miss my neighbours
i miss my bike
i miss the time i used to waste
i miss the simple sin
i miss bni
i miss india each n everything
but so that u know i remember
i miss y'all

troublesome '05

troublesome '05 continues........

watchin my back

as i walk through the valley of shadow of death,
i m fearless in my every breath
what should i fear? whom should i fear?
i stay wise and humble,
eventhough i fall and stumble,
what can mere mortals do to me?
nothing is the answer for u 2 see
i need to stay true in everything i do
He is watchin my back
And guides me everywhere i go
in times of despair, in times of joy He leads me for sure,
He has given me everything what can i ask for more,
there are two footprints on the sand,
and then He picked me up in His hand
it will be this way
today, till the end of the way,
who else can i trust in this world
i put my trust in His word,
and i know everytime i feel insecure
he is watchin my back*

black sheep

young i was yes i remember,
still in my teens it was december,
overlooked n hated,
for this i wishedi wudn't have waited,
grew up in a house where everything i did i had 2 ask,
i was first but felt like last
weak in studies thought i wud make it all good for sure,
instead i lived alienated all the more,
like a black sheep which has no luck,
couldn't speak my tongue was stuck,
hated playin second fiddle,
trouble and i was in the middle
tired of living under the shadow,
this sheep would have better run away from the meadow,
like a bomb i m ready 2 explode,
stranded on this hell road,
still im a black sheep,
nobody 2 dry my tears when i weep,
no friends while i stand everybody goes,
still overlooked and Lord knows,
wolf took away this sheep never to return again,
still in solitude i stay true,
put my faith in Jahovah and what i do,
no angel in sight no promise 2 keep,
there would never be peace enough to sleep
there would never be peace for this black sheep*